Sunday, November 7, 2010

When it gets too hard, open your eyes, there's beauty in everything.

When you're looking at the world with nothing but negatives then nothing but negatives come your way. It's all about hope that one day things will shift, even for a moment but that moment will be perfect. That moment will make you smile. That moment gives you hope to get through the next obstacle. I am trying to live my life this way because if I don't I will get stuck in a dangerous place. A place where nothing seems hopeful. A place where only sorrow and pain stay. I believe I am doing a good job so least for today. At least for this particular moment in time. I could sink deep into a dark hole if I let it overtake me, the sadness that creeps in from time to time.

I woke up this morning to a blazing hot day, just shy of 95 degrees before 9am. As I turned on the faucet to brush my teeth there was no glorious flow of water...yet again I was left with the thought of 'when will my water come back? An hour, a day, a week?' My previous incident with no water for 5 days almost broke me like I mentioned in a prior blog and I took a second to take a breath and think. Thank God for that moment of clarity. I could feel the sadness trying to come, trying to take me to where it has so many times in the 7 months I have been here. Not this time, not today. I may not be able to live without water for too many days at 100 degrees but I know I'd find a way. Somehow. So, I turned on my sink faucet in the morning just in case my water decided to come back on.

As I sat in my sitting room thousands and thousands of miles away from the only comfort I've ever known I felt blessed. I felt as though I am not alone. Reason being? Would you even understand if I said I felt so happy in that moment because of the weather, because of Mother Nature? Probably not but I will try and explain. There was just an amazing (if ever so short) rain storm. I opened my windows and curtains and let the cool wind flow through my house like a literal breath of fresh air. It felt magnificent, especially after hours of heat pouring into my house and no immediate way to cool off without water available. I was more then pleased to not only hear the rain BUT hear my sink turn on! Granted the pressure was terrible but I ran to the bathroom and took the opportunity to take a cool shower. Though it took a little extra time to get the shampoo out of my hair due to the lack of water coming from the showerhead I felt refreshed! As if on cue, as I finished in the shower the water again stopped. However, my smile didn't.
Positivity. That's my new outlook. Even though I've always stood by the saying, "Life won't give you anything you can't handle" I have struggled a little with it here. I am doing my best to turn that struggle into understanding and I believe it's working.

As of right now I am still listening to the thunder roll across the sky and I hear the children come out to play now that the rain has ceased to fall. The dark clouds take over the sky but the light of the sun pushes through as best as it can. The world is so quiet and yet so loud. Quiet with its stillness of the Earth but loud with its singing of birds and laughter of children.
I am happy. Do I get sad? Yes, everyday but I don't want to let the sadness win anymore.

Ok, so I know I'm clearly a little wack-a-do here with emotions but y'all still love me!

In a bit I'll have some funny stories but some students are coming over to my house in ten minutes so I can't write them down...stay tuned!

Peace and love,
Dinkles (as my fellow Bots 9ers call me)


  1. heyy mary glad to hear your doing well! i miss you, i deleted my facebook for a bit but i know ill prob be back on soon. keep me updated! do you need anything sent to you??
    love you miss you

  2. Dugs,
    This was so beautiful. Don't let the sadness win. All of my most rewarding clarifying moments have come from Mother Nature, and when I read this today, I felt like I was right there with you. I could feel the tranquility and acceptance washing over you. Your positivity will generate your survival. That light will keep shining through, lady. Keep looking for it. You're doing some great work.
    Love you,
    p.s. Just watched Pacey give Joey a wall

  3. Hey Shanks!
    Facebook always wins in the end! You'll be back, oh you'll be back! I don't need anything, especially since you already sent me wonderful things! I actually have a letter for you and your Mom that I have to send,sorry for the delay!! Miss you so much!
    Firstly that is my absolute FAVORITE part EVER in tv! Man, Pacey knows how to reach a girls heart! Secondly, I am so glad you understood my thoughts and feelings,I knew you would! I actually have one of your favrite quotes hanging in my house: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain." And whenever I am having a rough moment I look at it and think, "Mary, find the good!" Miss you!
    Thanks ladies!